All work and no play.

Since I have been 16-years-old, I have worked. I worked for Jamba Juice for a while. Then Scientology as a tutor (a job found for me by the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, strangely enough). Then a break for school, and after that Panera, The Corner Bakery, Victoria Secret (puke), The Colony Cafe (blech), Great Wraps, Joan's on Third, and now Office Depot.

And now, as of today, I have gotten a job with a new pizza restaurant in Thomasville. Don't ask me the name, as there isn't one yet really, but as of tomorrow, I'll be at two jobs, as opposed to just the one.

It's really upsetting, too, because I greatly enjoy my free time. I was also greatly hoping that my Erin would get the position (we both applied at the same time), but with a lack of experience in food service, he was turned down. Which makes me unbearably sad for two reasons. 1) I'm lazy. I didn't want to work two jobs. 2) He misses having his own money. He loves, loves, loves working, and not having a stable position is killing him TOO DEATH. *ahem* Though there is something in the works for him, and hopefully it works out (hopeful-fucking-ly).

If it does, I'll probably say bai bai to the big OD, and work for the pizza restaurant, as working with food is a love of mine, anyway (hence all the food service jobs). It'll still be minimum wage, but I'll get tips also (yay tips!) that I probably won't have to tip out, as the cooks will be making much more than me. It also means monies every day that can be saved up, as I'll be making a waitress' salary of less than minimum wage (apparently it's unfair to pay us equal wages, because we make tips). Luckily, though, the owner said that if I don't make enough to make minimum wage as a server, they make up the costs. Means I'll be reporting my tips!

I'm actually really excited, but now I'm not sure where my exercising will stand. I'll be working all morning shifts, and working evenings at OD, but if I end up working an evening at P's place (manager), they close around...10pm I think? Cherokee Lake closes at 11pm? I guess I better pack my running clothes!

*yawn* I'm going swimming now. I am tiyoord, but Shica's makin' that monies. Therefore should my roommate snap and go on a killing spree Guild Wars stylee due to our shitty economy, I'll be able to pick up the slack. Yeah, I doubt he'll do that, but oy. Haha. That would be epic. POASTING ABOUT EPICNESS IN BLOG! YES!

I swim now.

-shica

Daily exercise, 4.15.2010

So since this journal is new, I'll have to be a little specific here about what I am trying to do exactly.

*ahem*

My weight before I started exercising back in March was 245lbs. Oh, I know. I know.

My current weight as of April is down to 235lbs. Hallelujiah!

My goal every month is to lose 8-10 pounds. I know sometimes I'll miss my mark, but I'm setting my standards high.

Anyway, that all said, my torture of choice has become running! Before I kinda jogged/walked (more walk than jog), and it wasn't getting me very far unfortunately. In February I told Erin I needed a new workout plan, because I couldn't stomach being my weight anymore. He suggested running. I tried it a few times in February with him, and couldn't run for more than a few paces without stopping. I mean, heaving, tired, gasping, stopping. I just could not do it at all.

Later that month I tried walking. This, also, seemed fruitless.

Then in March Erin decided to bite the bullet, and just take me running every other night. And that first night was like running me over hot coals in the middle of Hell with a whip on my back. I ran beside Erin, with no music, and the sound of my ragged breath to entertain me. I had to stop continuously, even though my partner pleaded with me to just keep running, and it will get better. Oh boy, I barked, and spat, and howled, and cried. I was sore every day with a fierce pain I could not overcome for the life of me.

And he had me doing not just a mile, but a mile and a half. Apparently, if you do a mile, you never really get better (apparently). But if you do a mile and a half, you're right there at two, and you begin to improve. Alright! So I pushed myself, and finally bought out my headphones for two reasons:

- I got sick of getting belligerent with Erin while he was trying to help me.

- I got sick of listening to myself breath. It made me panic, and trick me into thinking I HAD TO STOP OR ELSE I WILL DIE!

Within a week, it worked. By the end of the third week, I had ran most of the mile without pause, but did near the end.

By the end of next week, I could run through the whole first mile.

By week four, I was running the whole length of the 1 1/2 mile distance. Albeit my time was extremely slow (over 22mins), I was doing it.

In the few weeks after that, my times have gone up and down, which bugs me. For a while, I was running two miles straight, after training my lungs and my legs and my willpower to ignore the burning and the pain. And soon after that the burning in my legs almost disappeared (even though the burning in my chest remained). In the last two weeks, I slacked a little, while trying to find a new method of exercising, due to rain. Jumping jacks can go suck a big one. That shit hurt like a nothing else, and my boobs didn't appreciate the bounce per ounce, either. Swimming is for pleasure, not exercising. I tried this, and there's nothing like not knowing how to swim while trying to exercise in a pool. Yes, I can float, and doggie paddle, and what have you, but you need over the hand swimming for maximum value. Erin swims like a damn fish, and I'm jealous.

So when I came back to exercising via running last week, I wasn't surprised to find that I'd completely lost it. I had a severe back ache from the jumping jacks (boobieflopple), and the swimming made my legs sore. So since last Sunday I have had to recondition myself. Sunday was the worst, with me being completely unable to accelerate. Monday I still felt like crap, but my 22mins went down to 19:50mins. Tuesday my 1 1/2 went further down to 18:40mins.

Tonight (last night?) I only did a mile to test my speed, and for the first time it was BELOW 12 minutes ...just barely, though. Usually when I only do a mile, I get 13mins or 12:50mins or whatever. Tonight I got 11:59mins. YES. I had pushed myself quite a bit as well. I'm flushed with pride.

How's my fooding you ask? I cut most of my dairy. I cut out all meat except for fish (I love fish too much. Sorry vegheads.) and survive on salmon, tilapia, and etc. I love shrimp curry. I cut out most sweets. I do mean this. It was painful as hell to do, but I cut my sweets and snack intake by 90%. The most I allow myself is cheddar popcorn or Pirate's Booty every now and then, and the Vitamin Water. Though...I'm about to quite Vitamin Water as well. I'm not sure I like the idea of crystalline fructose anymore. They're damn tasty, though, and I can't purchase the drinks I used to love (Odwalla juices, specifically their orange juice). Lately I've been having cheese cravings like madness, so I've had extra, extra sharp cheddar on a few things (tuna or fish wraps), or tuna sandwiches, but I've done well avoiding the crap foods. I'm quite proud, as I miss all of my crap food, especially ice cream. I miss ice cream so hard, but I know what's more important for me now.

And I do enjoy reverting to pescetarian...ism? Haha. Fish is my deity!

Soooooooooooo...here's to hoping a lose another ten pounds this month, and not due to extreme stress over financial troubles!

-shica

Introductory - Explanation

Edit: Peter's not on Blogspot. I'm confused as to how I got that. Haha. *nervous laughter*

There have been various people on my LiveJournal who have moved recently, or opened my eyes to the idea of moving, or the reasoning. I mentioned this already if you're on my current, active LJ (@ http://kitschaster.livejournal.com). Peter was the first one, and the most important one. Then a few others for varying reasons.

But Peter bought up valid, thoughtful points as to why he was transferring to a new journal of his own creation (not Blogspot. Sorry, Peter, I don't know how I confused the two). The list is as goes,

- The friend's system. It's flawed, it's everchanging, and sometimes it's full of people you really fucking dislike after a while. These people having access to private information you shared in confidence of a private blog.

- Having to over explain oneself to several friends about certain subjects over and over again, and getting into disagreements in the comments. It gets...tiring.

- Feeling wary to share personal information (politics, religion, orientation, etc.).


The last one I truly feel strongly about. I have actually ceased to discuss my beliefs on that blog, due to several arguments that have occurred on my defunct Martyred-peach LJ, and the current Kitschaster journal. I dislike having to prove myself to an audience. At least if I'm posting it here, I have the option of not replying to questions on any other forum, should you read it, and ask about it later. No. My journal stays neat, clean and tidy. I have the option of not respond to anything, and this is how I most prefer things.

There are other reasons. Greater reasons than the need to discuss my ever-growing love of things like Chaos Magick, Rosicrucian ideas, my growing dislike of our current government (very growing), and loving music most people seem to abhor.

I'm just getting sick of having a private, stagnant journal. At this current point, I love to write. I love to love to love to write. In my private journal, my friends already pretty much know what I'm about, and see changes daily. Which is cool. But I want to start talking about things that matter to me, and open up that forum to a public audience. Yes, I'm just another mindless blogger, throwing things into the void, and hoping a it breeds creation and discussion, I know. But at least I'm not doing it in under 140 characters, right? I hate Twitter. I love communication, but god how I despise Twitter. Yes, I own a Twitter.

Anyway, I feel as though journals are the blank wall onto which we scribble obscenities, vague notions of the world around us, fears, dreams, and the most gut-wrenching screams one could muster without Jason dragging his axe behind us. I've screamed for days straight at my LJ over worldly, mundane sufferings. My journal knows every unstable, insane, traumatic, heart-breaking piece of horridness I've endured. It also knows all of the awesome shit I've done and experienced with either the people I care about, or just the random things I used to do on my own. I totally used to go discovering things in Los Angeles. My mom is actually happy I'm stuck in bumfuck Thomasville without a metro transit system, because I can't climb on the bus, and get lost in the city.

But I digress from all of that above. Journals have new beginnings. Fresh, clean pages onto which we paint ourselves in hues, tones, and colors more vivid than the eyes can behold. At least I do/did. They have the middle times of support. They have an end. I feel, again, as though Kitschaster has no more forward motion, because it's got a heavy heart from the last three years.

2007 saw an emotionally masochistic road while dealing with my ex (then lover), where we ended by parting ways in December never to speak again.

2008 I quit my job at the beginning of the year to piece myself back together at the loss of my good friend/ex. I found new faces who kept me extremely sane, but I began to grow lackluster in music due to the intense depression from 2007. There was the trouble with moving, and the loss of my private space in the Fall. I kept myself busy on the bus, at work, or at school. I only saw home long enough to sleep. Also, my social life was decimated by the move to Reseda from West Hollywood, as I couldn't get home by bus after 12am.

2009 saw me back on the East Coast, in the near-rural South. My elation upon arrival was like a water balloon ready to burst. I was freed from the shackles of my mother's living room and the air mattress. I had my own room, and even better (or best?!) I was living with an awesome, awesome friend. And then certain main events unfolded, and the year was like one big, catastrophic train wreck. A wreck I could never look away from, because I was trapped in the middle cart with no windows or doors with everyone else. I raged hard. Over everything. Over everybody. And to my chagrin, they raged back in epic force. Erin is the height of that year, and has stuck with me since last May. Everything else will take years to fix, if I'm up to the task (or those involved). I want to, but I have fears, and there's nothing I hate more than getting my hopes up, just to have them dashed.

Ugh.

I could go on. I've go on for hours in my private LJ, and there's no reason to bring all of those memories to a new journal, with new memories, but not without its reminiscent posts. I blocked out so much for the last three years, and I probably can't move on with myself and my life without opening up a little bit. Especially with the weight loss goals, and the new things I'm learning, and materials I'm reading, and thoughts I'm having about my spirituality and ideas about how the ephemeral world works.

So I'll just stop here with the words. Oy.

Also, this is my public journal. I'll still write private things in Kitschaster, but I'll try to keep it mostly public. I need to get away from hiding my thoughts for a moment.

I think I think too much.

-shica

p.s. - i get to do some labeling/tagging now for each post. yippery-do!

p.p.s. - i have a sudden craving for jelly beans. cheap, dollar store jelly beans. hoshit.

This is all so sudden.

So new.

Hmmmm.