Nope.
No moar soloz.
Why?
I'm shit with nerves right now. When I used to have solos, the worst things I had on my mind were getting to work, and memorizing my music. Then I'd come home, and chill on the computer forever. Now the worst I have to think of involves keeping my relationships stable, working, paying bills, getting back into therapy, trying to get myself into a better career, worrying about our poor car not working, trying to make sure Erin's friends don't think I'm an idiot, and weight loss. HOLY FUCK I don't have time to worry about whether or not I'm practiced enough for a solo. I have no clue why I decided to do the other smaller group that meets twice a week, but it's becoming murder, and a bad idea. I just wasn't ready yet, nor do I have the stability to continue after this semester.
If anything, I need to find some classes in something that will make me monies, and be a stepping stone to getting me where I /want/ to go right now. That is still music, but I cannot afford music. At least not until we're in a smaller apartment, and far, far away from our asshole ex-roommate. FUCK.
But I do like the fact that the choir director is a pretty nice person, is funny during rehearsals, and says very sweet things about my voice. He has told me I have a "monster" of a voice, and that I'm some sort of anchor for the choir with my sound, even if I don't have good breathing, posture, or consonants. Which comes from weight, and a lack of practice, frankly enough. Yet, hearing that gives me back all of that confidence I used to have about my voice. I'm definitely nobody's American Idol, but I know my instrument, I know it's strengths and weaknesses, and I can use it to the best of my abilities when I'm practiced. Mediocre singers do this every day.
They're called pop stars. Like Katy Perry. OH, BURN.
Anywho, I should probably at least attempt sleep. *frowns*
:)
